They did what!!!
Imagine this ….. it’s the 20th of December, it’s hot, your car indicator is on as you are about to pull into the last car parking spot for to do a marathon of Christmas shopping. Then you don’t believe it …. someone races up and drives into the car parking spot. What you do next is different for each person but I’m betting that you are pretty angry about what just happened. From here you can be angry for 30 seconds, 1 minute or even the whole day.
Imagine this ….. it’s the 20th of December, it’s hot, your car indicator is on as you are about to pull into the last car parking spot for to do a marathon of Christmas shopping. Then you don’t believe it …. someone races up and drives into the car parking spot. What you do next is different for each person but I’m betting that you are pretty angry about what just happened. From here you can be angry for 30 seconds, 1 minute or even the whole day.
That Toxic Emotion
for the day. How might this play out? As you look for another car parking spot then whoever is in the car only has do the smallest thing wrong and they can receive an angry spray. Then the lady at the checkout in the shop scans an item twice and you decide that is definitively “complain to the manager material” because she doesn’t deserve to be paid her wage with the money you spend in the store. Now you can insert your own example how this plays out as an employee or a business owner when you get back to work later on. This is just the tip of the iceberg because the rest of your day can play out with ramifications for the way you feel, the actions you take, the physical / mental health and even the daily evolving self talk. For example - with the other person taking your car parking spot would you make it mean: it is a dog eat dog world or that people don’t value me or I need to be more ruthless so I don’t miss out on opportunities in life? The longer you experience your anger the long it gets to rampage through your life like a bull through a crystal shop ….. and probably just as expensive too.
for the day. How might this play out? As you look for another car parking spot then whoever is in the car only has do the smallest thing wrong and they can receive an angry spray. Then the lady at the checkout in the shop scans an item twice and you decide that is definitively “complain to the manager material” because she doesn’t deserve to be paid her wage with the money you spend in the store. Now you can insert your own example how this plays out as an employee or a business owner when you get back to work later on. This is just the tip of the iceberg because the rest of your day can play out with ramifications for the way you feel, the actions you take, the physical / mental health and even the daily evolving self talk. For example - with the other person taking your car parking spot would you make it mean: it is a dog eat dog world or that people don’t value me or I need to be more ruthless so I don’t miss out on opportunities in life? The longer you experience your anger the long it gets to rampage through your life like a bull through a crystal shop ….. and probably just as expensive too.
| Press it , press it , press it! What if you had a RESET-BUTTON just behind your right ear that when you pushed it you went back to feeling okay again. Would that help? How would this look……. Well, the person pulls into your car parking spot you turn purple and red and smoke comes out of your ears and then you remember “press the RESET-BUTTON”. |  "Not-Aus Betätiger". Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons |
You press the reset-button and:
Given you are calm, your self-talk could be:
This way of thinking allows for the situation to be acknowledged, made sense of and you get to stay cool, calm and collect so you can focus on what matters to you. You fill in the blanks about what awesome things happen next in your great day that wouldn’t have if you choose to stay in the anger-zone.
- a wave of calm goes from the top of your head, through your chest and down to your toes.
- Yes you still want the car parking spot, yes you still disagree that the other person took your car parking spot but you’re feeling very calm, centred and in control.
- Because you are feeling this way it means that you can focus on making sense of what just happened in a way that doesn’t make it all about you.
Given you are calm, your self-talk could be:
- “That guy might be really stressed about something – he’s doing that because he’s not thinking straight. Him pulling into the car parking spot had nothing to do with me – he doesn’t even know me!”
- “Not that it is okay but maybe she’s been looking for a spot longer than me and she just had enough – she figured that spot was hers”.
- “It was pretty obvious to me but maybe the other person thought it was their parking spot”
This way of thinking allows for the situation to be acknowledged, made sense of and you get to stay cool, calm and collect so you can focus on what matters to you. You fill in the blanks about what awesome things happen next in your great day that wouldn’t have if you choose to stay in the anger-zone.
You don’t have a RESET-BUTTON ….. do you?
Now you might think that it is all fine to say - instead of staying angry and messing up your whole day to instead press the imaginary RESET-BUTTON and be calm for an awesome day – so what! Well if you are going to decide to stop being angry anyway, no stop …. better said - start being cool, calm and collected then how about you decide to be cool, calm and collected sooner. Would that help you get more awesomeness out of your day? Would that maintain your connection with your relationships? Would that maintain great physical and emotional health? If YES then….. When you get angry about something how long do you want to do angry for …… you know be done with it and move over to cool, calm and collected? Would 30 seconds be enough, 1 minute or even 5 minutes – how much anger-time do you want? You see if you realise that being and “doing angry” isn’t moving you towards what you do want then kick it to kerb and step into what you do want. Okay here is the challenging TO DO BIT. When something happens to you that triggers “its time to do angry”, do your “nobody gets hurt” version of anger and rapidly go to the thinking of PRESS THE RESET-BUTTON to choose to get back to being cool, calm and collected. Why …. because you are bring the timeline forward and wanting to feel in control, feel great and do things with your day that you are completely happy to own. It’s not easy at first but you, and the people around you, are worth the rocking-it-out and in control version of you. Plus there is enough people doing angry that you don’t need to help the cause :) . So anger in short : do it, reset it and enjoy your Christmas shopping!!!
Now you might think that it is all fine to say - instead of staying angry and messing up your whole day to instead press the imaginary RESET-BUTTON and be calm for an awesome day – so what! Well if you are going to decide to stop being angry anyway, no stop …. better said - start being cool, calm and collected then how about you decide to be cool, calm and collected sooner. Would that help you get more awesomeness out of your day? Would that maintain your connection with your relationships? Would that maintain great physical and emotional health? If YES then….. When you get angry about something how long do you want to do angry for …… you know be done with it and move over to cool, calm and collected? Would 30 seconds be enough, 1 minute or even 5 minutes – how much anger-time do you want? You see if you realise that being and “doing angry” isn’t moving you towards what you do want then kick it to kerb and step into what you do want. Okay here is the challenging TO DO BIT. When something happens to you that triggers “its time to do angry”, do your “nobody gets hurt” version of anger and rapidly go to the thinking of PRESS THE RESET-BUTTON to choose to get back to being cool, calm and collected. Why …. because you are bring the timeline forward and wanting to feel in control, feel great and do things with your day that you are completely happy to own. It’s not easy at first but you, and the people around you, are worth the rocking-it-out and in control version of you. Plus there is enough people doing angry that you don’t need to help the cause :) . So anger in short : do it, reset it and enjoy your Christmas shopping!!!
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